Thursday, May 15, 2008,
THE QUESTIONS
If you see me walking the road with someone else,
It’s not because I like his company
It’s because you are not brave enough to walk beside me.
If you hear me talking about him all the time,
It’s not because he pleases me,
It’s because you’re too deaf to hear my heartbeat.
If you feel me falling for someone new,
It’s not because I love him,
It’s because you’re not there to catch me fall.
If you feel lost, I too am nowhere.
I too don’t know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other’s path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don’t let me walk with him
It’s you I want to walk with
Don’t let me talk of him
It’s you I want to talk with
Don’t let me fall for him
It’s you I want to fall in love with.
THE ANSWERS
When you thought I wasn’t brave enough to walk beside you,
I was behind you every step of the way,
Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stands before me
When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat
I didn’t want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship
When you thought I wasn’t there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you’ve already grabbed the branch.
If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost.
I too don’t know where the road is going.
Are we just to turn around
Or are we gonna cross each other’s path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?
Don’t let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don’t let me talk of something else
It’s you I want to talk with
Don’t let me fall for someone else
It’s you I want to fall in love with
6:59 PM
September 21, 2017
Dear Mom and Dad,
I wrote this letter when I was 15. This letter is just effective this year because I was too shy to confess the following things to you when I was young. Had you known these things, Dad could have grounded me for three months and Mom could have lowered my allowance to P10 a day. Or worse, you could have banned me from the family or you could have dumped me in your closet. Now that I'm old, a certified and married adult, I guess it will be okay for you if I tell you these things now.
Mom, Dad, please do not be shocked with what I will say to you. It's not my fault anyway. I did not will it; it just came to be. I guess it was all the plan of Mother Nature. Hold your blood pressure and suspend your tears. If you haven't taken your vitamins, I suggest you intake some first before proceeding. The topic herewith could destroy your health and could turn Dad's head bald.
Mom, Dad, I confess in the name of truth—I was first exposed to sex when I was in third grade.
But wait! Give yourself some breath. That doesn't mean I had sex during third grade. In fact, only with my wife did I have my very first lovemaking. What I mean is that I became knowledgeable (and a little interested, if not curious) about sex when I was a grade-three student.
It all started when I was playing in the garden. I peaked at Atching* Irma's room and to my discovery, I saw Bapang* Gary there sitting on the bed while a man and a woman were kissing steamily... on TV. I was just curious, that's why I watched with uncle, that is, from the window. Well, of course, he didn't know that he was not alone in his watching.
From then on, I acquired more knowledge from my classmates in fourth grade, especially from Reynielle and Steven. If you don't know them, they're the most sex-oriented classmates I had in elementary. They introduced terms to, not only me, but also with my other co-students, minor sex data, such as... nah, forget it. Sex terms. You know. Not the scientific ones.
I was also enlightened by them, since I knew from them that the male reproductive system enters the female reproductive system when having sex. What I knew then was that the penis doesn't enter the vagina. Only the sperms do, after being discharged from the male urinary gadget. Still, those terms and information were incomplete. More was added when I ventured in high school.
Do you feel degraded now, Mom, Dad? Please don't put shame upon thinking that I am your son and don't regret that you brought me up well. Don't worry. I was responsible enough to expel the thoughts of having early sex. I was 'With Distinction' from fifth to sixth grade, remember? Which means that my studies were my primary concern. Green things were just, let us say, a little percent of my social life then.
Let's pause for a break. Ready to proceed? Okay. Came first year high school.
It's not my fault, my dear parents, to have a Philippine History teacher who was so open to pornographic things. He, being an influential and trivia-generous person, lit my mind of more things about sex. For example, I knew from him that anal sex is possible. "Nakahiligan na nilang mag-alkansiya," I remember him saying.
Then there came my Computer teacher. Although she explained things in a this-is-just-formal-sex-education-my-dear-students way, I knew more things about the adult world, thanks to her. If not for her, I probably would have never known in an early sense that some girls swallow "it." Also, the term 'oral sex' was made known to me, although I already knew the concept.
Then, this one I couldn't forget. Remember Warren? My classmates (a mixture of girls and boys) once went to his residence to rehearse for an Ibong Adarna play. When Warren discovered that his parents were gone, we clustered in his room and watched Jungle Heat. Albeit I was the one nearest to the TV, it was only because I was nearsighted. But apart from that, I had no other hornier intentions. Your fault—it was late when you bought me my first pait of glasses.
I still recall. All eyes were on the video where the lovemaking was happening in the poolside. Some were smiling, some were going "yuck" (if I know, they were just denying), some were amazed, and some were focused. As for me, now you should be proud: I was just watching, because they were all watching. No other intentions, my ever-shining parents. Though I was a student with good marks, even our to-be-Valedictorian was present back then.
And though we were a mixture of males and females, nothing happened, I promise. No lady became suddenly de-virginized and the movie had not inspired me to take premarital sex. At least I knew what was must. My sole belief was that one should make sex with the right person in the right time and place. At least, for myself. Get it?
So many things were unfolded to me when I was a freshman. As the years went by, I discovered more things—from the 69-style to the wheelbarrow positions, from the term threesome or foursome to the possibility of female masturbation, and from different forms of "jobs" to the state of orgasm.
Warren's residence became yet another cinema when our group was doing the backgrounds for our sophomore play, Florante at Laura. Britney Spears was the star of the porn video. Well, at least, that was our assumption. But it was all unfolded to me without my aggressiveness. It was all on my environment. Some blame go to you two, for one time I was forced to watch Sutla out of curiosity because I saw it on your drawer.
Then, before venturing into College, I had the opportunity to watch Viva Hot Babes on pirated VCD, not because I bought one, but because my female classmate purchased one to watch on our outing (I still have no idea why she wanted to watch that). I still remember how we criticized Maui Taylor's artificial mammary because they looked like flesh bowling balls and how we used to describe Katya Santos' breasts as lawlaw and suspected her status as a single mother. Indeed, we were reminded of Regine Velasquez' pair of baby-feeders with Katya.
Concomitantly, that classmate of mine also had the movie 'Sex Drive' on pirated VCD that she lent to me (which I kept on my College application form envelope for security purposes). But that I didn't watch because the torrid scenes, according to my classmate, were deleted. Watching it would have been a waste of time.
Also, a forum entitled "Sex and Intimacy" in a certain website added more trivia to my mind. Some articles in that website discussed adult things openly, and it wasn't very hard to find.
I think you should be proud of me because I didn't manifest what I have known in those years in the world of horniness. I haven't harassed a girl and I did not have motivations of doing so. I was still prioritizing my studies and my ambitions, right?
If you just wanted, I could have agreed on informal pornographic jokes and mature conversations with you guys, because I already knew and I was responsible enough to handle such forbidden wisdom. I was not planning on premarital sex or anything illegal, and you know that I was one serious, straight-living student, so why be bothered or be unease when such delicate things were around? Mom, Dad, I was, am, and will be a proper person.
Heck, there were nights when I couldn't sleep and I was browsing over the channels. When I see late night sex shows like those in Wowow (I discovered the shows there when I was in fourth grade), I do not stop my browsing because I am not aroused nor am I feeling an uprising of libido. I still prefer serious movies, geographical programs, cartoons, soap operas, and MTV. I was already numb from them, as if they were as normal as Cartoon Network programs. See?
Although I should admit, I have read many adult magazines—(some portions of) Cosmopolitan, FHM, etc. But I read them not because I wanted to, but because they were simply there. My and my barkada's favorite coffee shop had those magazines for customers, which is why we had no other option. If they were not there, we would not have craved or searched for them. Their absence would'nt have disappointed us because we were not veteran porn maniacs.
So now that I'm 30, with kids, I will not be surprised anymore when the day comes that my son is confessing to me similar to what I just confessed to you (except if he confessed to me that he caused the pregnancy of one girl, that needs a disciplinary action already). Innocent looks won't fool me anymore for I have learned from myself. If he won't confess, I still know that he knew, knows, and will know such adult issues. However, I will not blow his bubble. He can keep it in the name of secrecy because that was what I did.
Every child will know about sex in a natural way, even though parents try to keep things away from them. More knowledge goes to those who are very much willing to learn. Fortunately for you, I was not that enthusiastic about the subject. Bottom line is: the environment orients children about sex in an unexpected kind of way. It will just come like a thief in the night to steal the young mind's innocence.
As I prefer to put it, "I am not sexually and pornographically hyperactive; I'm just not innocent."
Confessions are all done. Thank you Mom, Dad, for not collapsing or having epilepsy upon my admissions. You guys are the best parents in the world. I would not ask anymore whether you were the same when you were high school students or not in the name of respect and of the fourth commandment of God.
Ultra-super-duper-mega-truthfully and respectfully yours, Your son PS: I know that Dad had sexual picture messages stored in his 3210 when I was in third year high school.
###############Kapampangan: Atchi - Tita; Bapa - Uncle. Names were changed for protection and futuristic assumptions were made up.
Contributed by lagsh
Edited by alteredbeast
Tuesday, December 23, 2003 @ 12:01:22 AM
http://www.peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=3186
6:40 PM
If you love someone, set her free..
ORIGINAL: if she comes back, she's yours. If she doesn't, she never was.
PESSIMIST: if she never ever comes back, she's yours. If she doesn't, as expected, she never was.
OPTIMIST: don't worry, she will come back.
SUSPICIOUS: if she ever comes back, ask her why.
GO-GETTER: if she comes back, she's yours, if she doesn't, go get her!
HUNTER: don't even wait whether she comes back, go hunt her down!
PATIENT: if she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back.
IMPATIENT: if she doesn't come back within some time, forget her.
PLAYFUL: if she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again.
Repeat.
-LIFELINE
12:56 AM
*sigh*
“i don't wanna write, i don't wanna call” -tattooed on my mind
“momma tells me i shouldn't bother” -lovefool
“should i be feeling guilty” -goodbye, my lover
“when i think of you, i don't know what to do, when will i see you again” -miss you like crazy
“i'm holding on to your pictures on my telephone” -just say the word
“we had a once in a lifetime but i just couldn't see until it was gone” -if ever you're in my arms again
“i'm so in love with you, i'll be forever blue” -little respect
“it's you who fills up my life” -if you walked away
“i said i wasn't gonna lose my head but pop! goes my heart” - pop! goes my heart
“i hear in my mind all this music and it breaks my heart” -fidelity
“now i toss and turn 'cause i'm without you” -drive myself crazy
“i try to carry on to face the fact you're gone but i need you so i close my eyes” -close my eyes
“will i have to suffer and cry the whole night through?” -when will i see you again
“you turn my days into nights” -you've made me stronger
“you don't bring me flowers, you don't sing me love songs, you hardly talk to me anymore” -you don't bring me flowers
“you leave me hanging on the line, every time you change your mind” -jenny
“i can love you easy if you give me the chance” -i can love you easy
“i should have known right from the start, you'll go and break my heart” -heartbreaker
“i take one step but i find myself coming back to you” -your song
“so i despise that i adore you” -hate that i love you
“if love was an Oscar, you and i could never win” -separated
“no one would care if we never made it” -what about love
“but you're still on my lonely mind” -here without you
“when i wanted to cry, i couldn't 'cause i wasn't allowed” -gomenasai
“i;m not the one you need” -i love you goodbye
“i can't see the perfect sky, i'm torn” -torn
“wondering if we ought to stay or head on out the door” -just once
“i can't go on like this, i need your touch” -i never get over you getting over me
“cause i'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute” -crash crash
“i have to find you, tell you i need you” -scientist
“cause i miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away” -if you're not the one
“i need an ending, so why can't you stay just long enough to explain” -when it rains
“i hope and i pray somewhere in your heart i always stay” -without you
“now here it comes, the hardest part of all” -art of letting go
“i'm dying, dying to forget about you” -dying
****get it?! get it?!
12:41 AM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008,
I've talked to him (let's call him “dark angel”) yesterday... AGAIN, after m boyfriend told me avoid him.
***sorry ven, it was just a friendly conversation, I swear!
Every time he talks to me, there's something that really make me feel that he likes me (whoa!hehe..talking about self-assurance..hehe). In fact, last year, it came to a point that I thought he had fallen in love with me (waah! I suck! XD). I am not that numb, eh! But he never admitted it because he knew he won't have a chance with me. I knew him.
It was mere yesterday afternoon, dark angel was about to take a nap. Before I have received his text that he wanted to sleep, I have sent a message that made him laugh and cracked his lethargy. It's not funny anyway, I just don't know what's wrong with him. Haha. After that, he kept on telling me that I'm fun to talk and be with (yes, history repeats itself, it's the same thing he told me last year). And didn't manage to sleep until, uhmmm..i think until morning. Haha.
A year ago, I used to call him “kuya” and he calls me “bunso”. We were happy friends then. But all of a sudden, he started to treat me more than that. He told me not to call him kuya, and too, stopped calling me bunso, he addressed me with my name since then.He had a girlfriend for 3 years. They broke up before I met him. He told me that if it will not be that girl that he will be marrying, he will not marry anyone. Then, there came a day that he said that he had found somebody that had taken his ex's place in his heart. I eagerly who it was then, and replied me with: “What if it's YOU?”
11:56 PM
MEN
The nice men are ugly.
The handsome men are not nice.
The nice and handsome men are gay.
The nice, handsome and heterosexual men are married.
The men who are not so handsome but are nice have no money.
The men with money who are not so handsome but are nice, think we are after their money.
The handsome men without money are after our money.
The handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are beautiful enough.
The men who are heterosexual, somewhat nice, and have money who think we are beautiful are cowards.
The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, have some money and thank God, are heterosexual are shy and never make the first move!
The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Now....who the hell understands men? And they say women are hard to understand!!!-Phil. Standard
11:51 PM
Things that I want in a boyfriend...
- somebody who really really really loves me =)
- intensely loyal
- sweet at malambing - loves to touch me all the time
- thoughtful and caring
- someone who always looks after my welfare
- considerate
- has a great sense of humor (able to laugh at himself)
- well-read
- one of the biggest supporter of my dreams - my own "rah! rah!" boy
- has a great deal of respect for women
- passionate
- a little boy at heart - has a child's innocence and inborn thrust in the world and mankind
- highly-tolerant and open-minded
- sweet to his mother
- loves to travel and see the world (like me!)
- smells good! hmmmm. ^^,
- loves my family and friends
- someone who openly considers me his best friend
- someone who dresses well, knows what looks good on him
- doesn't smoke
- nice and kind
- a hopeless romantic
- someone who surprises me with nice little meaningful presents
- outdoors and athletic
- has wonderful, expressive eyes. (uhmmm. hehe)
- courageously pursue his dreams
- thinks me the smartest, the funniest, most beautiful and most intoxicating girl in existence!
Things I want in a husband...****nothing follows****
- Paul Jake L. Montero
^^,
11:16 PM
